If you’ve just had or about to have a baby, chances are you’ve been told a dozen different “rules” about newborn sleep — some by well-meaning friends, others from random internet searches at 3 am while rocking your baby in the dark.

One person says “Don’t let them nap too much.” Someone else warns you not to hold them too much or they’ll “get used to it.”

No wonder you’re confused — and maybe a little frustrated.

The truth is, much of the advice floating around about newborn sleep isn’t based on how babies are actually wired. In those early months, your baby’s sleep is shaped by biology, not quick-fix tricks. Understanding this can take a huge weight off your shoulders (and help you stop second-guessing yourself at 3 am).

Let’s bust some of the most common newborn sleep myths so you can focus on what really matters - supporting your baby’s natural rhythms and finding rest for yourself along the way.

Myth 1: “Newborns should sleep through the night.”

In the first months, it’s biologically normal - and necessary - for babies to wake at night for feeds and comfort. Their tiny stomachs can’t hold enough milk to sustain them for long stretches, and frequent waking supports healthy growth and development.

Night waking is a normal part of sleep - for both babies and adults. The difference is, when babies wake, they often signal for their caregiver because they have a need and can’t meet it themselves - whether it’s hunger, comfort, a nappy change, or simply reassurance. Sometimes this happens at the end of every sleep cycle (around every 45–60 minutes) and other times your baby may sleep a longer stretch of 6–8 hours without calling out.

On a typical night, many babies will need their caregiver 1–3 times, but there’s no single “normal” number. Night wakings naturally ebb and flow as your baby grows, and they don’t decrease in a neat, linear way. You might notice more frequent wakes during developmental leaps and growth spurts, particularly around 4–6 months, 9–11 months and 18 months. They usually become less frequent after age two.

Parent Takeaway: Try to reframe night wakings as part of healthy development rather than a problem to fix. Rest when you can during the day, and consider safe co-sleeping or room sharing to make nighttime feeds easier.

Myth 2: “If you keep them awake during the day, they’ll sleep better at night.”

It sounds logical for us, but it doesn’t work for newborns. When a baby becomes overtired, their body produces stress hormones like cortisol, which can make them harder to settle and cause even more frequent night wakings. They need daytime naps to release cortisol and stress.

Protecting daytime naps actually helps your baby sleep better at night. Naps are key; however, each baby has their own need for naps and the amount of time they are happily awake.

Typically, babies don’t have predictable naps in the first 6 months. The length of naps and the length of time awake between naps vary. At about 6-8 months, infants can begin to show regularity in naps but some never do. Typically, naps in the morning are longer than near the end of the day. It’s best to watch your baby and go with their tired cues instead of a nap schedule.

Parent Takeaway: Watch for your baby’s tired cues - rubbing eyes, turning away, fussiness - and aim to get them down for a nap before they become overtired.

Myth 3: “They need a strict sleep schedule.”

A newborn’s sleep patterns are driven by an immature circadian rhythm and hormones that build up sleep pressure - not by the clock. Trying to enforce a rigid schedule can cause frustration for everyone.

As we learned in the previous point: nap timing and length can vary a lot and the same goes for night-time sleep. Yes, a good understanding of infant sleep architecture, circadian rhythm will help to understand and optimise infant sleep but sleep is as unique as every baby is individual. A baby’s temperament for example, has a big impact on sleep as well as development phases and external changes in their environment. So no parent should be discouraged if their baby’s sleep “schedule” varies and doesn’t look like their friend’s baby.

Parent Takeaway: Focus on creating a gentle pattern instead of a rigid timetable - for example, feed, play, sleep - and most importantly, let your baby’s cues guide you.

Myth 4: “You can spoil a newborn by holding them too much.”

Human newborns are wired for contact. Being held helps regulate their heart rate, breathing, temperature, and stress hormones. Contact naps, rocking and skin-to-skin all provide comfort and can even support better sleep because when babies are near an adult they relax, feel safe and their parasympathetic nervous system is activated, all which is important for sleep.

You can’t spoil a newborn with love or responsiveness. Meeting their need for closeness builds security and supports healthy brain development.

Parent Takeaway: Hold your baby as much as you like and if you need your hands free, use a baby carrier. Contact naps are completely fine.

Myth 5: “Babies should be able to self-soothe.”

Self-soothing is a skill that develops gradually. In the infant stage, they rely on caregivers to help them transition between sleep cycles.

Babies are born with very immature brains and their stress system is very much underdeveloped. Until the age of three, infants rely strongly on external regulation and soothing from parents and caregivers through calming presence and physical contact. That is true for every moment of their early life and especially for sleep.

Responding to your baby’s needs in the early months lays the foundation for them to build a healthy and resilient stress system and eventually develop self-soothing skills.

Parent Takeaway: Support your baby’s sleep through rocking, feeding or gentle touch. Over time, they’ll need less help, but in these early months and years, your presence is their soothing.

Final Thoughts

The newborn stage is intense — physically, emotionally, and mentally. You’re learning to read your baby, recover from birth and adapt to an entirely new rhythm of life. It’s no wonder you’re searching for answers.

By letting go of these common myths, you permit yourself to respond to your baby’s needs without the pressure of “doing it wrong.” You also free yourself from chasing quick fixes that ignore how newborns are designed to sleep.

Remember: every baby is unique, and so is every family. Trusting your instincts, responding with love and creating an environment that feels calm and safe for both of you will do far more for your baby’s sleep - and your own wellbeing - than any rigid rule ever could.

This season won’t last forever, but the connection you build by being responsive now will last a lifetime.